Home again, Home again, Jiggety Jig

I've been putting together this post since I got home just over a month ago. 

Now I am 2 1/2 weeks from heading off again. 

 (The Cardston Alberta Temple)

It is crazy to me that I spent almost 19 years of my life in the same town, excluding holidays and vacations. 

And now I am beginning the rest of my life, so here I am almost finished with year one of my post-Cardston life.

I love Cardston though.

I am so grateful for where I grew up and those I grew up with. 

One of my mother's favorite quotes is that it takes a village to raise a child. 

I feel that. 

Coming home for the summer I have been surrounded by my surrogate grandparents, my cousins not-cousins, my "aunts and uncles" and my second-moms. 

I have a whole unbiological family who I adore. 

And I am so grateful for them all. 

I have realized over this past year the power of community.

(Trip to the Calgary AB Temple Open House)

And this little town I live in, with just over 3500 people has shaped me and defined me. 

For better and for worse. 

I have watched people rally together to support families in trouble.

I have walked with my siblings and their little friends in the Cardston Kids Marathon year after year. 

I have been one of over a hundred young people who have spent their Friday afternoons at the Cardston temple.

I have also seen the problems that come with being in a small town. 

Judging. 

Racism.

Holier than thous. 

But at the end of the day I am so grateful for how I grew up.

I was loved. 

I was watched out for, even at the times I didn't want people keeping an eye on me. 

 And I always felt safe. 

(My teenaged paper route in the snow)

The other day my first grade teacher came by my work. 

And when she saw me we began talking. 

We talked about my life and what I was doing.

My goals and ambitions and plans for the future.

And she couldn't be prouder of me. 

We reminisced about what a great writer I was at age 7.

And I felt so grateful for the education I received at that moment. 

(Last first day of school)

The ideal education is having teachers who care about you.

Teachers who are invested in their students.

Teachers who inspire.

Teachers who love what they do.

Now I am not saying every teacher I had was perfect.

But looking back over the years I was very blessed.

(The Cardston AB Temple)

And I grew up in a town where I was surrounded by people who share my faith. 

That is an incredible experience in and of itself. 

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that, Cardston I am grateful. 

I have big dreams.

Dreams that are bigger than this little town and the opportunities available here.

But I love it here.

And I will always think of Cardston as home. 

The Temple. 

The Cemetery, which often was the only quiet place to think. 

Waterton.

Lee Creek. 

Carriage House Theatre.

My beautiful home.

The Atwood Soccer Park.

But mostly the people here make it home. 

(My Atwood Soccer Park)

Thank you Cardston. 

I love you. 

Dreaming of a Mission

I need to put this out there, I have the best family and friends ever.

I grew up in an amazing town.

I honestly am so extremely grateful for all I have been blessed with,

because I really have been blessed.

I love the life I live.

So with that to preface, I want you to listen to this song, okay?

I love that song!

My life is great.
Not that I haven't had my challenges and trials because I have and I do.
But if my life was a giant Pro's/Con's List, the Pro's would win out.
So today I want to talk about one of my greatest challenges/ blessings.

Serving a Mission.

I have absolutely incredible parents.
Really, just get to know them and you will love them too.
I know I do.
They also both served full-time missions for the Church of Latter-day Saints when they were young.
My dad served in California.
My mom served in Iowa.
The experiences they had on their missions changed their lives.
And they probably wouldn't be together today if they hadn't served.

I grew up knowing what a blessing serving a mission is.
And I was taught from my youth to prepare to serve a mission.
There definitely were times when I didn't want to go.
And where I doubted my parent's counsel.
But when I was 16 that all changed.

I was at EFY at BYU-Idaho.
And the first day of EFY our session director told us to write down 3 questions we had and at the end of the week those questions would be answered.
I remember sitting there and not being able to think of a single question.
So I left my sheet blank.
I went through the rest of that week and it was great.
I felt so close to my Savior, Jesus Christ and I knew how loved I was.
The last day of EFY we all met together again and our session director reminded us of the questions we had been told to write down that first day.
He asked us to think back over the week and think if our questions were answered during the week.
As I sat there it was as if there was a voice in my head, and it told me that I was supposed to serve a mission.
I hadn't written down a single question.
Looking back that was during a time when I was really doubting if I was going to go on a mission.
It would be 5 years before I could even go on a mission.
But Heavenly Father knew the question that was in my heart.
And He answered it.

That was an amazing experience for me.
But then again I was 16 so I went home and sunk back into real life.
And I forgot about that experience I had.
And I began to doubt again.
Then October rolled around and my seminary teacher asked all of us to think of a question and to pray about it before General Conference later that week.
That Saturday I knelt beside my bed and asked Heavenly Father if He truly wanted me to go on a mission to have just one person talk about sister missionaries in their talk.
Just one.
And if that happened then I would know I was supposed to go.

For anyone who remembers that Conference almost 3 years ago I think you will know what my answer was.
But I will remind you all.
I walked upstairs and sat down in front of the tv with my family.
As I did President Monson got up and announced the age change for missionaries.
And I am sitting here trying not to cry because after all this time it still hits me so strong.
But as soon as he started speaking I started to cry the spirit was so powerful.
And my spirit knew.
Sisters could now serve at 19 instead of 21.
And I cried that whole morning.
Because I knew in that moment that my prayer was answered more powerfully than I could ever have expected.

From that day I had a purpose.
I WAS GOING ON A MISSION!
I attended Mission Prep from my 18th birthday.
I read the standard works.
I studied Preach My Gospel.
And I spoke at the Stake Youth Missionary Fireside about sisters preparing to serve missions.
God had a plan for me!

In the middle of all my preparing the problems I had with my eye my entire life started becoming more of an issue.
I met with doctors trying to figure out what was going on.
And ended up getting surgery about a year and a half ago.
A surgery that supposedly had a 98% success rate.
However, I was already one of a small percentage of people who have this problem.
An even small percentage is people my age.
And a tiny little miniscule number of people end up having 6 surgeries (so far) to fix this problem.
Within 7 months I had 5 surgeries,
 All during my senior year of high school.

To say this was a trial is a bit of an understatement.
But at the same time it was a path I felt I needed to pursue.
Meeting with my bishop, praying and counselling with doctors and my parents we came to the decision that I needed to wait a while before I went on my mission.
Because the problem wasn't solved and the amount of surgeries I had, I could leave on a mission.
But I hadn't been able to work because of all the surgeries so I didn't have money to go.
And I would most likely stay in the country because of my medical problems.
And trying to fix my eye had only made it worse.

So I applied for schools and made plans for the summer.
And Southern Virginia University ended up falling into my lap.
With a half-tuition scholarship.
An invitation to be the team manager for the women's soccer team.
And the Spirit telling me that was where I needed to be.

So here I am.
I decided to go to school for one year and then I would leave on my mission.
But the longer I was at school the more it didn't feel right to leave.
I went home for Christmas confused and conflicted.
And angry.
I wanted to go.
I wanted so badly to go on my mission.
The majority of my friends were gone or preparing to go.
And I wanted to join them in the field.
All of Christmas break I tried to find the answer as to what to do.
I also had surgery #6 which failed on day 1.

Near the end of break I was talking with my dad about how mad I was.
About how I didn't understand why I wasn't on a mission and why I was stuck at home/at school when I knew I was supposed to go.
What he said to me changed everything.
He told me that Heavenly Father needed missionaries who were prepared to serve.
Especially with people right out of high school going on missions, Heavenly Father needed missionaries in the field who knew how to lead from the beginning.
He needs missionaries who can work.
He needs missionaries who can serve.
He needs missionaries who are older and have lived a bit.
And He needs missionaries who have endured trials and remained faithful through it all.
When my dad said that I heard a voice in my head.
It was my voice.
Saying the same prayer I had said since I was 16 years old after EFY.
Praying that I would be given the experiences I needed to be the best missionary I could be.
I had been receiving an answer to prayer for a year and not noticed.
In fact I had cried about it and complained.
I felt so guilty in that moment.
And so grateful.

My Heavenly Father knows me.
He knows and loves His children.
And He needs me in the mission field.
I've been preparing for 3 years so far.
And I don't know how much longer I need to prepare.
Obviously I am a bit of a slow learner.
But the experiences I am having are the greatest blessing of my life.

Because you better believe that when I get into the mission field I will be the best missionary I can be.
I will give it my all.
Because I have given years of my life to preparing to give a year and a half of my life to the Lord.
And I can't wait for the day when I have on a black name tag.
But until then it is painted on my heart.

And I know that everything is going to be okay.

Trials and Triumphs

I have felt the blessings of heaven in my life.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me. 

Why then do I still have to face challenges? 

Many times I have heard the phrase, "why do bad things happen to good people?"

When I heard that I used to just shrug it off, saying that bad things happen regardless of whether you are good or bad, and it is all part of the tests of life. 

I always felt solid in that answer. That I never needed to question why bad things happened, because it was all a part of a greater plan.

Until the day when I heard myself asking Heavenly Father why I was going through a particular trial. 

I had done what I was supposed to.

I had faith. 

I knew that I had a loving Heavenly Father, and my Saviour Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost to help me. 

I was on the path. 

I was staying strong. 

So why then was I struggling?

Now I don't feel any particular need to divulge all the trials I've gone through in my life.

But I have not been without trials.

I have had times where I have doubted.

I have had times when I have been afraid. 

I have had times where I have cried and begged to be released from the struggles I faced.

I have had moments when I wanted to give up...

But I haven't. 

And I won't.

The trials I have faced have always led to something. 

Whether it was an occasion for me to learn a principle I hadn't yet had the opportunity to understand, or whether what I learned going through that trial ended up helping someone else. 

There was always a purpose. 

And I have faith and believe that there is always a purpose. 

There are days when I have felt it would be easier to leave the church.

When I felt my life would be so much better without that responsibility.

There are days when I want to scream and curse and cry.

And there are days when I just want to run away from it all. 

But here is what I know to be true. 

I know I have a Heavenly home.

I know I have Heavenly Parents and a family made up of all humanity. 

I know I am loved beyond what my mortal mind can ever comprehend.

I know I have a Saviour and Redeemer in Jesus Christ, who has felt all my pain. 

Who has endured every trial I have ever gone through and will ever go through.

I know that He lives.

I know that He loves me.

I know that He is my big brother and the love and feelings of protection I feel over my own siblings, to the point that I would do anything for them, is nothing compared to the love He feels for me. 

The love He feels for everyone. 

I know that.

Ever since I was little I have understood that this life can't be it. 

That this life isn't it. 

There is more.
We came from somewhere, and we are going somewhere.

That there is more to life than simply surviving.

We are here to thrive, to grow, to learn and to experience. 

So while I continue, daily, to struggle.

While there are always trials to face and mountains to climb. 

I know that it will all be worth it in the end.
Because this,

This is nowhere near the end of my story.

And as hard as your trials may be for you, this isn't the end of your story either. 

So join me, as I continue to paint by faith. 

Inspired.

Some weeks I just have a lot of inspiration.

To paint, to write, to avoid doing homework.....

So here is my second blog post of the day, fourth of the week and it is only Tuesday!

Dang I am doing good.

But here I am... Sitting... Chilling.... 

Why you may ask yourself? 

Because my best friend Emma B, previously mentioned in an earlier post, is opening her mission call tonight! 

And I am so extremely, unbelievable excited about it!

Besides that, I also went and painted tonight. 

It is so good to be in the studio! 

And there is a set of windows overlooking Main hall, and the sunsets each night.

 It is perfect! 

And I finished one of my paintings tonights. 

Or at least it is finished until I decide I want to change something else. 

LOL.

Anyways here it is...

Mac says it reminds her of the train in the Hunger Games.

Personally, with the black outlining, it reminds me of the storybook in the show Once Upon A Time.

But maybe that is just me.

With this piece I really wanted an illustrated appearance, something you would see in a book. 

I think I got that in this painting and that makes me so happy. 

Now I just need a title for it. 

And for it to dry.

But anyways, any title suggestions???

Thanks.

And even though this is just a work in progress still, I thought I might as well post it. 

JK this is just Jesus doodles from Institute class. 

What I really wanted to show you is.......

THIS!

So I have done a lot more on it, but in betweener pictures are awkward. 

This is a beginning picture that looks pretty dang great if I do say so myself.

Which I do.

It is going to be a whole field of lavender, with a white picket fence once completed. 

One thing I love in my art is visual texture. 

My goal is for people to have to try their hardest to restrain themselves from touching it because it looks so there. Maybe I'm too tired and that actually makes no sense, but it clicks in my brain.

I am excited to finish this piece. 

I love this piece.

I LOVE ART!

To finish off this final post I would like to include some beautiful pictures of where I live. 

Virginia is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

On Sunday my friends and I went to Glenn Maury Park and just hung out. 

I went on an adventure. 

Found some deer.

Took some pictures.

It was great.

Well, Emma should be opening her call at any moment now......

So I am signing off for tonight.

Goodnight world!

Blast to the Past

Since my last blog post was about my amazing Squad, I thought today I'd write about my friends outside of the squad. I love friends. If we connect over something and enjoy each others presence then I probably consider you a friend. So to all those who weren't aware of that, sorry but you are my friend.
I've made lots of good friends over the years who I love.
So here is a shout out to my high school peeps, those who knew me during my most awkward years and still chose to be my friend. ;)

First off is my Emma's. I don't know if any of you have seen the kid's tv show, Recess? Anyways, on that show there is a group of girls all named Ashley and they were all best friends. I wanted that so badly! My senior year of high school the Emma's and I became a thing. And we all ran for student council together too!

Shoutout to Hannah Farrell for taking the pics and Duane Beazer for graphics.

In my group of Emma's is Emma D and Emma B.

Emma D. and I were friends when we were youngin's. We've been in plays together throughout the years and have had some good times. She is amazingly brave and strong, and cares so much. She has twin nieces who she just adores and she is just an incredible person.

Then there is Emma B. 

Emma B is one of my very best friends from home, and her mission call is coming this week so I am SO excited about that! But her and I are like two sides of a coin, we are each others opposites. But it works out kind of perfectly. She also was my greatest competition in High School, but it was a pretty one-sided competition. But she always has pushed me to be better. She helped me in so many ways that I don't even think she realizes. Because of her I did better in school, I attended mission prep and seminary, I was social and involved. She has been an amazing friend. 

These are my Emma's I'm so glad we are friends!

Next is Mckae.

I was in Grade 11 and Mckae and I shared an English Class. We were also in the same ward. And one day I decided I wanted her to be my friend. So I brought her gatorade and we became friends. 

TADA!

And then we became best friends. 

We would go to the temple together each week. 

We drank gatorade together while studying. 

We skipped Sunday School to sit on the temple lawn and discuss life.

And together we just vented and sought to understand the craziness that is high school.

Mckae is absolutely amazing and I love this girl!

Next up is Chelsea.

Chelsea's friendship was literally an answer to prayer. 

I was president of my high school's service club and desperately needed a vice president. 

I was so stressed. I was overwhelmed. I needed help. 

And so right before Grade 11 started I prayed that I would find someone amazing to be my VP. 

The first day of school I was sitting in my art class when Chels leaned over and asked me if I knew who was in charge of the service club because she wanted to join.

 I took that as a sign and we have been best friends ever since. 

She is brilliant and organized and compassionate and strong.

And she is an amazing cupcake maker.

Love ya Chels!

Now the Sha(e)(y)lee's...

Shaylee Nelson.

First off she may be the craziest person I have ever met. 

Secondly, she is one of my favorite people I have ever met.

She is someone I have always felt 100% comfortable around.

We are so crazy together it is great.

I think our friendship started with me stealing her pencil case every day... 

And then one year for my birthday she gave me a pencil case of my very own, but I still stole hers anyway.

She is one of the most genuine people I have ever known. 

She is always herself.

In my head I think of her and picture her with her hair flittering through the wind as she rides a horse through the mountains. 

It is a pretty accurate depiction of her.

I love ya Shales.

We also double-dated it for Grad and it was one of the best things ever.

Then there is Shaelee.

Shae is one of those people who is always there when I need her.

She has this gift where she sees those who are struggling and helps them.

She cares so much and is strong and beautiful and kind. 

And she is also going on a mission to TEMPLE SQUARE which I am unbelievable excited about.

We were the best of friends for years and I am so glad to have her in my life.

"Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you always know they are there."

Contrast between grade 9 grad (below) and grade 12 grad (above).

I think we have only gotten better with age, right Shae? 

Now here is the tricky part.

But maybe it is the best part.

The next friend I am highlighting is Spencer.

Who is on his mission and can't see this, which is why it is tricky but also great.

But oh well.

Regardless of whether he can read this or not he is one of my best friends.

My first memory of Elder Comin was in fourth grade I think, and I was running for class president. 

I had Smarties candy that I was handing out with the little slogan, "Be a Smartie, vote for Emma."

He accused me of calling those who don't vote for me stupid, and of basically bribing a bunch of ten year olds. Which we were. Eventually we sorted it out, luckily. 

PS. I did end up winning Class President.

But we were in the same ward for years and years.

And remember the whole competition thing with me and Emma B? I was in competition with him too, though I don't think he knew that either...

But he ended up as Valedictorian so there are some battles that you just can't win I guess.

While we were always unspoken friends it was in high school when we really became great friends.

Mckae and I always tried to convince him to skip Sunday School, and we had some pretty great adventures.

Somehow, even with my bad influence he is out honorably serving a mission in Honduras and is doing great. 

As terrible of a photo as this is of me, it is the only Grad pic I have of us.... So, oh well.

Then there is Dalys.

She is last because she is the youngest. It may be flawed logic but that is how it goes.

Just kidding. 

I love Dalys Fletcher.

She is incredibly talented, brilliant, kind, beautiful, strong etc.....

And she makes me a better person.

We worked together at DQ, and honestly she is the only thing that got me to work some days.

Because I knew if we were working together than I was in for singing the whole shift, competitions to get the order out as fast and accurate as possible and often a talk outside of the temple afterwards.

I miss that girl.

She is such a great friend and I love her so much!

Brief shoutout to everyone else who I call friend, but either I couldn't find adequate pictures for, or we haven't had enough adventures yet to constitute mentioning. Let's fix that ok?

I am so grateful for my amazing friends who have gotten me to where I am today. I love them all!

Grateful...

Today I would just like to say....

 I am so extremely grateful and I thank God every day for the friends I've made here at SVU.

I've never had best friends like this before.

(Mckae, Chelsea, Emma if you are reading this know that I love you all.)

But these friends I've made here, my squad, are a gift straight from God.

With them I feel accepted. I feel loved. I feel important and needed and wanted.

And I don't know what I would do without them...

So here they are for your general approval and consideration.

The Squad.

I'll begin with Ashley.

She was my original roommate, who I met on my way down to SVU so we could see if we would survive living together.

To be honest neither of us was sure, there was an incident of me texting her while under the influence of drugs, post-surgery, and of a certain song from Wicked discussing a blond roommate that wouldn't stop playing in my head.

But similar to Elphaba and Glinda, we became best friends.

And I LOVE this girl!

She loves her family and is a miniature of her mom. But like a Lisa 2.0-she is an Ashley.

She is strong. She is good. She is beautiful. She is smart. And she is kind.

She took the time to see the good in her crazy Canadian roommate who physically can't stop talking sometimes and is a complete nerd.

And through late night deep spiritual discussions, soccer, a concussion, and 9 of the best months of my life, we have become best friends. Ashley Preisler, you are going to be an amazing missionary and I am going to miss you so much!

Our first meeting in Utah- at Costa Vida which I now love thank you very much Ashley!

 Our first day of classes! Woot woot!

This is our signature pose. Went to the DC temple together, and unintentionally matched. :)

 We were chilling at the airport waiting for our flights home at Christmas, and matching.

She has a deep and abiding love of rice krispies. She may kill me for posting this pic but I love it and I love her!

Next is Mac.

Mac Cottle who is Canadian too but denies it. Her grandfather was born in Canada, right near my hometown so I claim her as one of my own. 

But besides that point she is a proud Oregonian.

She flips between being a princess and a ba every day, and I love that about her. 

She is strong and trustworthy and good and cares a lot more than she will ever let on to anyone.

I am so glad she moved into our room!

And together we nerd out over Netflix, Harry Potter, books and musicals. 

And I will be honest. We have no pictures of the two of us together. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. 

It is so awkward. 

However, we decided the reason for this is because our bonding is watching Netflix together, separately in the dark. And having deep discussions. And neither of us are the type to instigate pictures so oh, well....

 I am definitely going to die for posting this photo. But that is Mac asleep in the back on our drive to FLORIDA!

This is from one of our very first weeks at SVU, getting ice cream. She is on the far right, next to me. :)

This is a self-portrait of her. JK, but she is Audrey Hepburn in her own mind, which I fully support because Audrey is Amazing.  

Here is a real photo of her. She is beautiful. But what I love best about her is that she is even more beautiful on the inside. She loves her family, especially her other 2/3's of her triplet gang. And she is brilliant. And cares so much about making the world better. I love you Macklemore!

Then there is Uri. 

Gosh what do you even say about Uri?

Maybe I should start with the fact her first name is Savannah, but we all call her by her last name. 

She is so musically talented, and she didn't even let us know forever. But she has mad skills. 

She is deeply loyal and protective of her family and friends. And we love her for that. 

She is so freaking funny and always makes us laugh. 

She is smart and courageous and daring and good.

But what I love most about her is how she can always tell when something is wrong with me. We don't always get along. To be honest we are very good at annoying each other. But she knows when I'm struggling. And often I will laugh it off, or deny it, but she can always tell. And I am so grateful for her in those moments, for seeing beyond the facade I put on and just being there. I love you Uri!

 This is Uri. She's kind of freaking awesome. ;)

During midterms we were stressed, and exhausted, and annoyed. But we were also matching. And that is obviously the priority, so we stepped away from our studying to take a picture. Gosh I love this girl! Thank you for always being there when I need to be distracted from my problems. 

Sierra.

Basically imagine the perfect person and you are close to picturing Sierra. 

She is so cool you can't even handle it. She is also so humble. 

Food is her comfort food. (Probably why we get along so well.) She also is kick-butt athletic and loves exercising, lifting weights and getting swoll.

She is smart and studious. But loves those study breaks.

And her love for her little sister melts my heart. I knew we would be best friends when she told me the story about how she prayed for a little sister and her prayers were answered. 

She also is gluten, dairy and soy free. I have a soft spot in my heart for people who can't eat food I guess. (Mckae and Emma I'm looking at you two)

But seriously though. Sierra is the bomb.com. 

This is the two of us. I spend time with her hoping some of her natural swag will come over to me. It hasn't happened yet but I am optimistic.

Sometimes we match. And we look mighty fine doing so. Sierra and I just click sometimes and have deep life discussions and it is freaking awesome. I love you C-Ratchet.

Then there is Kadee. To my eternal annoyance she doesn't have a middle name. I don't know why and I don't care to find out why. I just devote my time to figuring out a middle name for her. 

Some days she is Kadee Jeanette or Kadee Louise or Kadee May or Kadee Priscilla. On bad days she is Kadee Jezebel.

But my favourite is Kadee Kadeline. 

It has a nice ring to it...

I count my blessings every day and meeting Kadee is one of those blessings. 

I visited my family last weekend and was talking about my friends. Specifically about Kadee. And my mom asked me if she was a friend who cared as much about me as I did about her. Obviously, by the fact that question was asked it is a rare occurrence. And I could whole-heartedly answer yes.

Kadee and I are bosom sisters like Anne of Green Gables and Diane. 

I am so glad I met her. 

Both small-town girls. Oldest children. We get it. 

And I am grateful for that.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE! Someday I will frame this picture and hang it in my house because I love it so much. This is my Kadee.

Here is the two of us at the DC temple. 

And this is my 19th birthday. She is so darling, back home people call her Lady, as in Kadee Ladee. 

I love you Kadee Kadeline. 

So that is my squad. They make me happier than I have ever been. I have found the best friends that everyone talks about, and they were well worth the wait. Girls can be so petty and catty towards each other. But these ladies are amazing. We strengthen each other. We encourage each other. We make each other better. I feel so blessed and lucky to have them in my life.

SQUAD OUT!

Missing Uri... But this is us at the Winter Formal Dance. Which I personally believe should be called the Snow Ball. 

Elevator Groupie. 

In Florida together. Squads that travel together stay together!

Watching the Duff together. Which is now the Squad's official movie.

Barring how burnt I am.... This is the cutest pic ever!

At Stake Conference together.

I love you Squad!