Dreaming of a Mission

I need to put this out there, I have the best family and friends ever.

I grew up in an amazing town.

I honestly am so extremely grateful for all I have been blessed with,

because I really have been blessed.

I love the life I live.

So with that to preface, I want you to listen to this song, okay?

I love that song!

My life is great.
Not that I haven't had my challenges and trials because I have and I do.
But if my life was a giant Pro's/Con's List, the Pro's would win out.
So today I want to talk about one of my greatest challenges/ blessings.

Serving a Mission.

I have absolutely incredible parents.
Really, just get to know them and you will love them too.
I know I do.
They also both served full-time missions for the Church of Latter-day Saints when they were young.
My dad served in California.
My mom served in Iowa.
The experiences they had on their missions changed their lives.
And they probably wouldn't be together today if they hadn't served.

I grew up knowing what a blessing serving a mission is.
And I was taught from my youth to prepare to serve a mission.
There definitely were times when I didn't want to go.
And where I doubted my parent's counsel.
But when I was 16 that all changed.

I was at EFY at BYU-Idaho.
And the first day of EFY our session director told us to write down 3 questions we had and at the end of the week those questions would be answered.
I remember sitting there and not being able to think of a single question.
So I left my sheet blank.
I went through the rest of that week and it was great.
I felt so close to my Savior, Jesus Christ and I knew how loved I was.
The last day of EFY we all met together again and our session director reminded us of the questions we had been told to write down that first day.
He asked us to think back over the week and think if our questions were answered during the week.
As I sat there it was as if there was a voice in my head, and it told me that I was supposed to serve a mission.
I hadn't written down a single question.
Looking back that was during a time when I was really doubting if I was going to go on a mission.
It would be 5 years before I could even go on a mission.
But Heavenly Father knew the question that was in my heart.
And He answered it.

That was an amazing experience for me.
But then again I was 16 so I went home and sunk back into real life.
And I forgot about that experience I had.
And I began to doubt again.
Then October rolled around and my seminary teacher asked all of us to think of a question and to pray about it before General Conference later that week.
That Saturday I knelt beside my bed and asked Heavenly Father if He truly wanted me to go on a mission to have just one person talk about sister missionaries in their talk.
Just one.
And if that happened then I would know I was supposed to go.

For anyone who remembers that Conference almost 3 years ago I think you will know what my answer was.
But I will remind you all.
I walked upstairs and sat down in front of the tv with my family.
As I did President Monson got up and announced the age change for missionaries.
And I am sitting here trying not to cry because after all this time it still hits me so strong.
But as soon as he started speaking I started to cry the spirit was so powerful.
And my spirit knew.
Sisters could now serve at 19 instead of 21.
And I cried that whole morning.
Because I knew in that moment that my prayer was answered more powerfully than I could ever have expected.

From that day I had a purpose.
I WAS GOING ON A MISSION!
I attended Mission Prep from my 18th birthday.
I read the standard works.
I studied Preach My Gospel.
And I spoke at the Stake Youth Missionary Fireside about sisters preparing to serve missions.
God had a plan for me!

In the middle of all my preparing the problems I had with my eye my entire life started becoming more of an issue.
I met with doctors trying to figure out what was going on.
And ended up getting surgery about a year and a half ago.
A surgery that supposedly had a 98% success rate.
However, I was already one of a small percentage of people who have this problem.
An even small percentage is people my age.
And a tiny little miniscule number of people end up having 6 surgeries (so far) to fix this problem.
Within 7 months I had 5 surgeries,
 All during my senior year of high school.

To say this was a trial is a bit of an understatement.
But at the same time it was a path I felt I needed to pursue.
Meeting with my bishop, praying and counselling with doctors and my parents we came to the decision that I needed to wait a while before I went on my mission.
Because the problem wasn't solved and the amount of surgeries I had, I could leave on a mission.
But I hadn't been able to work because of all the surgeries so I didn't have money to go.
And I would most likely stay in the country because of my medical problems.
And trying to fix my eye had only made it worse.

So I applied for schools and made plans for the summer.
And Southern Virginia University ended up falling into my lap.
With a half-tuition scholarship.
An invitation to be the team manager for the women's soccer team.
And the Spirit telling me that was where I needed to be.

So here I am.
I decided to go to school for one year and then I would leave on my mission.
But the longer I was at school the more it didn't feel right to leave.
I went home for Christmas confused and conflicted.
And angry.
I wanted to go.
I wanted so badly to go on my mission.
The majority of my friends were gone or preparing to go.
And I wanted to join them in the field.
All of Christmas break I tried to find the answer as to what to do.
I also had surgery #6 which failed on day 1.

Near the end of break I was talking with my dad about how mad I was.
About how I didn't understand why I wasn't on a mission and why I was stuck at home/at school when I knew I was supposed to go.
What he said to me changed everything.
He told me that Heavenly Father needed missionaries who were prepared to serve.
Especially with people right out of high school going on missions, Heavenly Father needed missionaries in the field who knew how to lead from the beginning.
He needs missionaries who can work.
He needs missionaries who can serve.
He needs missionaries who are older and have lived a bit.
And He needs missionaries who have endured trials and remained faithful through it all.
When my dad said that I heard a voice in my head.
It was my voice.
Saying the same prayer I had said since I was 16 years old after EFY.
Praying that I would be given the experiences I needed to be the best missionary I could be.
I had been receiving an answer to prayer for a year and not noticed.
In fact I had cried about it and complained.
I felt so guilty in that moment.
And so grateful.

My Heavenly Father knows me.
He knows and loves His children.
And He needs me in the mission field.
I've been preparing for 3 years so far.
And I don't know how much longer I need to prepare.
Obviously I am a bit of a slow learner.
But the experiences I am having are the greatest blessing of my life.

Because you better believe that when I get into the mission field I will be the best missionary I can be.
I will give it my all.
Because I have given years of my life to preparing to give a year and a half of my life to the Lord.
And I can't wait for the day when I have on a black name tag.
But until then it is painted on my heart.

And I know that everything is going to be okay.