Fitting In

What was the moment you realized you were different?

That you didn't fit in with everyone around you?

For some readers out there you may not have realized it yet. If so I apologize for bursting your bubble. (No one truly fits in)
For some of you it was in Jr. High, that awkward age of puberty and all that entails.
For some they were born knowing they were different.

For me, I was about 7.

Before this I had experiences that caused me to realize I was different than my peers, but they were minor incidences whose significance have been brushed away by time.

Playing with cars instead of playing house with the rest of my preschool class.
Preferring to sit with the adults and just watch everyone interacting rather than join in running laps around grandma's living room.
Being born with a sense of politeness and decency that most children must be taught.

However, looking back through the years there was one single moment when all of a sudden it clicked, and I realized that my peers, while of the same age group and social class for the most part, were not of the same mentality as I was.

From then on I realized, that I was different.

It was a warm April day. I was in grade one, and for the most part first grade is free of cliques and social status. I was in the advanced reader program, had the lead in the Christmas play and had the best Halloween costume that year, as I had dressed up as Harry Potter.

That day I was out playing at recess when I saw one of my friends run past me screaming.

Concerned, I turned to her as a boy ran past me chasing her. She kept screaming at him to leave her alone, but no one else on the playground seemed too concerned about this.
Jumping up I rushed to her aid, and grabbed the boy by the back of his hoodie. He skidded to a stop, and bravely I told him to leave my friend alone, and stop harassing her. (Again I was in the advanced readers program.)

Just then my friend came stomping over to me, having realized that the boy in question was no longer chasing her. She told me to let go of him, and that they were just playing a game. He told me to stop being a spaz and started chasing after her again.

Confused I stepped away from the situation and sat down on the hill to ponder what had just taken place.

My friend had screamed for help. She was being chased. I bravely stepped in, though I was regarded as being fairly shy at the time. I felt that I should have been a hero. Instead I was mocked for my actions.
I puzzled over what had happened all that day, and even now thinking about it still causes a slight twinge of pain in my heart.

That day I realized that I was different. That what I felt was an appropriate course of action was not, and all of a sudden I had to reconsider all my beliefs.

Looking back, I am proud of little Emmie. Of her choice to stand up for her friend, regardless of how it all played out.

And I am proud to be different.

School was not an easy time.
From that moment on there was always something that caused me not to fit in.
I was the kid who everyone wanted to copy their homework off of.
I was the one entrusted to keep an eye on the crazy kids to make sure they were paying attention in class.
I played by myself most recesses because the games everyone played seemed trivial to me, choosing instead to talk with the teachers or with other like-minded kids.
I joined many fads and trends, not because I understood them, but because I wanted to fit in.
I was depressed as a sixth-grader at a time when most of my classmates were still concerned with stuffed animals and lunch money.

I made it through Jr. High school. (Those years sucked so we will just skip over them.)

And in High School I was the founder and president of my high school's service club.
I was in student council for two years.
I coached soccer.
I worked at a good job and was one of the best employees they had.
I had good grades, and was a favourite of some of my teachers.
And I ruled that school.

Now I am in college. Where I have the best friends I have ever had in my life. Who love me for everything that makes me different. And I have realized that it is those things that make you different that make you special.

I am courageous.
I am compassionate.
I am brave.
I am smart.
I am beautiful.
I am ambitious.
I am a daughter of God.

I am happy.