School Sick?

Have you ever been homesick for a place that isn't your home?

I need to preface this post by clarifying something.

I AM SO HAPPY.

I love being at home.

I absolutely adore being with my family right now. 

I miss them when I'm gone.

And it is so good coming home from work and seeing them every day.

I am so happy to be working right now.

Both of my jobs are a blessing.

Working at DQ is familar and comfortable.

I know what I'm doing and I'm good at it. 

And my other job. 

Honestly, God answers prayers.

I told Heavenly Father I needed another job to earn enough for my mission.

I needed to not be making minimum wage.

I needed something slower than Dairy Queen.

I wanted it to be somewhere where I could help people more.

And the perfect job ended up falling into my lap.

I work with a 4 year old boy as a respite worker.

And I love it.

I also feel this sense of complete peace at being home. 

I don't want to be at SVU right now.

I don't want to be taking classes.

And as much as I love being an RA and DSO.

And as much as I love all of my friends.

And the campus.

And the warm weather.

I know I need to be home right now and that is so good.

But I still miss SVU.

The past few days have been hard as I've watched people return to school.

So here is a list of what I miss:

I miss Squad.

Squad is my lifelong best friends.

Believe me when I say they've seen me at my worst.

But they've also seen me at my best. 

And though our numbers keep receding as semesters go on.

(Sad picture without me)

I know we will always be there for each other.

I miss the RA's.

I loved being a Resident Advisor.

These crazy people mean so much to me. 

And shoutout to Reva and Cody-the best HRA's ever.

I miss soccer.

I MISS MY TEAM.

I miss Coaching Staff.

I miss Coaching Staff adventures.

I miss Coach.

I miss Facetiming home.

Not that really being with them isn't better but I still miss it.

I miss all of the SVU Student Activities.

And Institute Activities.

And even the dances.

I miss Sheetz Runs with friends. 

Because Sheetz is more than a gas station.

It's a lifestyle.

I miss my friends.

And our RA chats that turned into life chats.

I miss my room.

I just miss SVU ok?

And I promise I'll come back ;)

But until then follow me on my new blog

sisteratwood.blogspot.com

Calling the Qualified

Trials rock.

Trials also suck.

Let's just accept and embrace this two-edged sword we have to deal with. 

That trials make us stronger, better, kinder and bring us closer to God. 

But trials also bring us closer to Hell, or straight through it in some instances, more than we ever wanted to be.

I have experienced my fair share of trials.

I know the majority of my readers have felt those trials as well.

But I was brought to an interesting thought the other day.

God doesn't choose the qualified.

God qualifies the chosen.

Now at first glance that seems like something that would be nicely stitched on a piece of embroidery

Or a positive Sunday School message to lift up the spirits of those who are struggling. 

But beyond that cursory look and first thought there is a depth that warrants being studied. 

God doesn't choose the qualified. 

If He doesn't choose them than what are they doing?

They are already busy at work.

What these people are being chosen for is His work,

It is certain tasks that He needs done, 

Certain hearts He needs comforted,

Certain burdens He needs lifted.

And those who are qualified are already doing what they can.

They have been prepared and they are acting.

God qualifies the chosen. 

We are His children. 

We are His servants.

We are part of the last days and we are here to prepare the world. 

He has chosen us.

If you didn't know that yet, congratulations!

Now you know. 

And the whole, more knowledge=more responsibility thing means that now that you know you have a place to fill. 

Sorry to do that to you...

Not.

Anyways, we are chosen. 

And there are a lot of us out there,

And a lot of help that needs to be given. 

So while I am no prophet, and my thoughts are just my thoughts this is how I envision the qualified/chosen thing. 

The chosen are given trials to qualify them. 

But they aren't left alone in these trials.

There is the person going through the trial, or people.

There is the Holy Ghost there to comfort and guide.

There is the Savior, who lifts burdens, comforts and forgives when such things are asked for.

And then there are your daily angels.

These angels aren't of the winged variety.

Or even of the spiritual world kind.

These angels are the qualified.

They are those who've already endured their refiner's fire, or part of it at least.

They have been tested and tried and are qualified to deal with certain situations.

And so they are there for those chosen who are currently being qualified.

And they strengthen them.
They support them.

They uplift and inspire them. 

And the chosen goes through their trial and becomes qualified.

And the cycle begins again as they help another become qualified.

It is this whole circle, 

The circle of life if you decide to call it that. 

One of the greatest examples of this to me is mothers. 

Check out this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. 

But there are so many people I consider to be angels in my life.

People who's personal experiences allowed them to help me through my trials. 

And through making my way through those trials I have been able to help others.

So just remember. 

Love.

Grow from the trials you have to face.

Accept God's hand in your life.

And thank the angels who have gotten you to where you are now.

How to Survive the Hardest Semester Ever

An Instructional Guide by Emma Atwood

So...

You are facing your hardest semester ever.

You begin doing everything you know you should be doing.
You were accepted to be an RA, and feel like this is exactly where you should be right now.

You are still the DSO for the Women's Soccer Team and love it.

You were offered to be the DSO of the Men's Soccer Team and have accepted that position as well.

You know that there is a lot ahead of you this semester so you take only 12 credits. 

Everything feels perfect.

July 30th you realize you have to be at the airport TONIGHT, not tomorrow night.

You hurriedly finish packing and hug your family goodbye as you leave for the airport.

Maybe this is the moment that threw off your entire semester?
Eh... 

Not sure about that yet.

However, with minimal delays you arrive back at school and all is well.

You fall asleep at 6 am that first day back, and wake up at 11 am.

Not the best start but it will have to do since you couldn't fall asleep all night.

The first weeks are filled with RA training and new adventures.

Soccer begins and looks promising.

Students start arriving and, slightly overwhelmed you work to get them all moved in. 

Good start.

Then classes begin.

And you feel totally and completely unprepared...

From day 1 you feel behind. 

Maybe this is when it all went wrong?

Your netflix account hasn't seen any action since the beginning of August.

You are busy all day every day and it feels fantastic. 

You asked to be released from your job as DSO of the men's soccer team because you aren't giving enough time to the other things in your life.

You think that will help. 

However, schoolwork is now put last. 

You scramble just to keep current on your assignments.

Soccer starts becoming emotionally exhausting.

Time goes on.

Soccer ends and you think now you will have all this extra time.

Nope.

That time is filled with other, equally as important things.

You are floundering. 

You become further and further behind and it becomes a struggle to even attend classes.

You get sick. 

Is this the moment when you should have given up on your semester?

Not yet.

Earlier on in the semester you realized that God likes you out of your comfort zone.

You learn your lesson in that regard.

You accept that being out of your comfort zone is good.

But did you realize that not succeeding is also WAY outside your comfort zone?

Because it is...

You learn lots of life lessons.

(For example, how big 8 24 inch pizzas are...)

Your testimony grows substantially. 

You have a desire to receive your endowments and attend the temple.

Then you realize you are supposed to leave on a mission. 

Wait what?

Planning begins.
You find replacements for your jobs. 

You tell your friends and family. 

You talk to your bishop and start your papers.

Finally...

You have waited so long to go on a mission and the time is NOW!

But now doesn't exactly work into your plans.

Oh well.

You trust God's timing.

The semester draws to a close.

You aren't ready to leave your friends, your life, all the good things that are finally all perfect and working and are all you've ever wanted.

You aren't ready at all.

You cry more than you are willing to ever admit. 

You get a blessing of comfort and then, then you realize lesson 2 of this semester.

You can't do it alone.

Yes I can!

No. You. Can't.

You recognize that while you are amazing and have been given many gifts and talents,

You can't do everything all by yourself.

The load on your back isn't supposed to be carried alone.

Too late in the semester you give it up.

You ask for help.

You admit you are weak.

And maybe you cry some more.

Because as much as you love what you do.

As much as you are doing what you know you are supposed to be doing.

All those things weren't meant to be done alone. 

You recognize all the times you have hit the bottom, 

Asked for help and been lifted up,

Only to turn around and fall again.

You need help.

The semester is almost over.

It is Finals Week.

And you, you are exhausted.

Your heart is broken.

And your spirit is contrite.

And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost...

3 Nephi 9:20

You finally understand that scripture and what that feels like and what it means. 

And you realize you are not alone. 

That you've never been alone.

It could be so much worse.

You are grateful and promise to do better.

And you trust.

(Tender Mercy= Sam coming to visit)

Some lessons come easier than others.

Some involve failing a class and barely surviving a semester.

Some involve losing loved ones, being injured, mental or physical disabilities and a host of other pains.

But there is a lesson. 

And there is peace to be found. 

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. 

Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 14:27

Life isn't supposed to be perfect.

Even when you are doing your best that isn't always enough.

That is what the atonement is for.

Christ meets us at the point that we can't continue on.

Wherever our best is, He will go and take it the rest of the way.

I've learned that this semester.

And God loves us.
He loves His children.

Even when we feel like we are failing and falling short.

He loves.
And we need to appreciate the good moments.

The friends.

The laughter.

Enjoy the journey.

And that is the third and hopefully final lesson of this semester.

Outside My Comfort Zone

This age I'm at now is the age where the most important decisions of my life are being made.

Right here.

Right now.

That is intimidating to think about. 

The church leaders have said this before but my most poignant memory of this was in 2014 when Elder Jeffrey R. Holland came and spoke to the youth in Southern Alberta.

He told us the ten years of like 14-24 were where our most crucial decisions would be made and the course of our lives would more or less be set...

No big deal or anything. 

Well right now I am smack-dab in the middle of that.

19 years old.

Old enough to be on a mission.

Old enough to have married friends. 

Old enough to have declared a major (Politics) and be applying for internships. 

Old enough to be living and working in Virginia. 

Old enough to be over a group of 30 girls ensuring their safety and security.

Old enough to be booking hotel rooms and meals for my soccer team.

Old enough to be doing a pretty good impression of an adult. 

Old enough to have said goodbye to my comfort zone for probably forever, with the understanding that who God wants me to be and knows I can be is not the girl who could read all day long in her room. 

God has a great vision for who I can be.

Somedays I get glimpses of the woman.

A woman who is strong and brave.

A woman who is compassionate and loving.

A woman who keeps her covenants and is forever progressing. 

A woman who will do whatever God asks of her, and is led far from her home and far from her plan of how her life should go. 

A woman who's goal is celestial. 

So what is, right now, the greatest lesson I am learning?

God likes me outside my comfort zone. 

BAM. 

That is it. Right there. A 7 word sentence. 

One that grips my heart and fills me with anxiety.

And yet has taught me the greatest lessons and filled me with the greatest peace.

He LOVES when I'm outside my comfort zone because that is when I grow.

 I have done so much growing in the past few months, and have been pushed into situations and responsibilities that I have not asked for, but are what God would have me do.

 And I have learned so much. 

I know that through this I am becoming the person God wants me to be. 

Another super important lesson I am learning?

The gospel isn't easy.

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is not easy. 

It is progression.

It is about rejecting the natural man. 

It is about the spirit training the physical body to be in harmony with eternal principles.

It is about a higher law.

A path that is strait and narrow.

I love the Lord.

And I love this gospel.

And I love the person I am becoming.

Because she is someone who will move mountains. 

She is someone with unlimited potential.

Because she is someone who will do whatever the Lord requires. 

(With minimal resistance and complaining I am sure)

And she is me.

Soul of a Californian

Time for some fun Emma trivia.

My beloved Mother is from California. 

She is a fantastic California girl who married a Canadian.

And so I, Emma Atwood, grew up in Canada.

And I LOVE Canada.

I LOVE CANADA!

It is my home.
I have serious Canadian pride.

However I cannot deny the Californian part of my soul.

Or the fact I have the soul of a Californian.

Not the driving skills.

Not the 'tude.

But the beach bum, ocean is lyfe, soul.

When I was applying to school I applied mostly to schools in California. 

Specifically by how close they were to the beach.

Obviously God had other plans for me than spending my days at classes and then swimming/boogie-boarding/getting my tan on every day... 

The whole life isn't for wasting your days away.

Life is about improving yourself.

Anyways.....

So I do not live in California.

But I love California!

I love spending my days at the beach.

So whenever I can go, I do.

This past summer I was able to go to Palm Springs with my family.

And it was fantastic. 

So here is some pics. :)

(Typical Emma at the pool pic, with a book in my hand)

The Ocean is my happy place.

Basically, this is my life philosophy.

Guess what? I LOVE MY LIFE!

I LOVE MY LIFE.

I LOVE MY LIFE.

I LOVE MY LIFE!

I don't know how else to express the joy I feel inside.

I just am happy. 

I'll admit I am not always happy. 

Sometimes I am downright a downer. 

But I am overwhelmingly overjoyed with how my life is. 

I am at peace with the path my life is on. 

I LOVE MY SCHOOL!
I belong at Southern Virginia University. 

This place is amazing!

I LOVE BEING AN RA!

On a cold January day I was talking with Kadee and she said to me that she felt like applying to be an RA, I laughed and told her that I felt the exact same way. 

Together we applied when the applications came out, and I remember how at peace both of us were throughout the entire process. Even though we were both freshman and involved in soccer, basically inexperienced and busy, we knew we would get the jobs. 

It was such a feeling of peace. 

And look at where we are now! 

Kadee and I are both RA's and LOVING IT!

I LOVE MY SOCCER TEAM!

Straight up, I was TERRIFIED to come to SVU to be the Team Manager for this team. 

TERRIFIED!
But it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. 

They are my family out here.

They are the people I turn to and can trust and will celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving with me when I am homesick. 

I LOVE BEING DIRECTOR OF SOCCER OPERATIONS!

It is a ton of responsibility. 

It is a lot of work and extra hours. 

It is a lot of stress.

But I am learning amazing things. I am independent. I am strong. I can do hard things.

I also now know what yards are!

I LOVE MY COACHING STAFF!

I LOVE BEING A KNIGHT!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

Seriously God puts people into our lives for a reason. 

There are some people who I've met and have changed my life forever. 

I am so grateful for the friends I have, both at home, at school and around the world. 

Here is a pic of Squad last year. 

And I LOVE MY FAMILY!

LOVE THEM!
LOVE THEM SO MUCH!
I miss them. 

It is hard being so far from home, some days I wish I could just be home for a day. 

But I know I am where I am supposed to be. 

And they are doing great without me. 

At the end of the day they are the most important people in my life. 

They are my greatest examples.

They are my greatest source of happiness.

They are my forever...

But out of all of these things that bless my life and make me so happy I cannot neglect to acknowledge the source of my happiness. 

That is my Heavenly Father and His Plan of Happiness.

I don't know who I would be without the knowledge I have of the gospel,

And without this faith in my heart, 

But I know I wouldn't be happy. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is my happiness.

My Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ is my happiness.

My Heavenly Parents are my happiness.

I wouldn't be at SVU if it wasn't where the Spirit directed me to be. 

I wouldn't be an RA if I hadn't felt prompted to apply. 

I wouldn't be a part of the soccer team if I hadn't prayed and felt peace regarding this decision.

I wouldn't have the friends I have if I hadn't been lead into their lives, or if they hadn't been lead into mine, or if I wasn't at SVU to meet them, or prayed to meet the people I needed in my life. 

And I would not understand the eternal bond I have to my family if it wasn't for what I learned at church and what the Spirit has testified to me. 

Some days are really hard. 

Some days I want to give up. 

And some days I am just plain overwhelmed. 

But then there are days like today where the joy I feel makes me feel like my chest will burst. 

Where I am so grateful. 

Where there truly is sunshine in my soul.

One of the Ninety and Nine...

To preface today's post I would like to start off by saying that I love Michael McLean.

I remember being eleven years old and attending The Forgotten Carols with my Achievement Day's group. 

Looking back, that was a defining moment in my life. 

Listening to the music as I sat in a dark theatre one cold winter's night I felt something that previous to that moment I had felt before but until then had never recognized. 

It was the Holy Ghost. 

These Forgotten Carols bore testimony of Christ's divinity.

And it was then that the Holy Ghost filled me with warmth and peace.

Such that I began to cry.

I have had many experiences with the Spirit since then.

Some stronger than what I felt that day. 

And some that have felt comfortably similar to that moment years ago. 

But what I really am trying to say is that I love Michael McLean for being in touch with the Spirit such that he wrote the Forgotten Carols of Christmas, the tales of others who found their lives intersected that of the Savior and through this bore testimony of Him. 

Now I know it was the Spirit that I felt that day.

But every time I hear the soundtrack of that musical I am reminded of how the Spirit felt and of how I recognized in that moment that I could never deny how I felt. 

Fast forward to today and I still love Michael McLean.

As the years passed I was introduced to other songs he wrote, and I have a playlist of my favourites.

Some of these favourites include "You're Not Alone", "Celebrating the Light", "Safe Harbours", "Stay With Me", and especially "Hold On, The Light Will Come".

But today I want to write about a song that often plays in the background of my mind. 

It is called "Ninety and Nine".

Alright, so listen to this...

And then continue to read, ok?

Alright.

I need to express how much I LOVE this song. 

I am one of the ninety and nine. 

And I'm not perfect but basically I'm doing fine. 

I have not lost my way, I have not gone astray. 

I'm just one of the ninety and nine. 

The feelings captured in this song are ones that have echoed within me.

I am here in the heart of the fold.

I'm not mindless but I try to do as I'm told. 

I'm not tempted to run and become the lost one.

I am here in the heart of the fold.

One recurring criticism I hear of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is that we are sheep, blindly following our leaders.

That we are conformists.

That as a collective group numbering over 15 million people, we are devoid of individual identities.

Instead we all dress the same. 

We talk the same.

We think the same. 

This isn't a criticism of those criticizing by the way.

The LDS Church has worked to eliminate that stereotype through their I'm A Mormon campaign. 

But as a member of the LDS Church I admit to feeling that way. 

That there is a certain way I should dress and act and live my life.

And over the years I have realized that I am me. 

I have a unique personality and have the gifts and talents I do for a reason, and who I am is who my Heavenly Father wants me to be. 

So I live by the rules in faith, knowing I won't always understand, but studying and pondering and putting in the work necessary to understand. 

And I am confident in my place. 

So why is my shepherd coming this way towards me?

He's holding his arms out and he's calling my name.

Yes he's calling my name!

But how, how can this be?

These lines remind me of the Atonement.

So often people view the atonement as simply a piece of repentance.

That it is only to be used when one has lost their way and made mistakes. 

But the atonement is so much more than that.
The atonement is also comfort and peace.
When Jesus Christ carried out the Atonement He took upon Him all the sins, sorrows and sufferings of everyone who has ever lived, is currently living, or will live. 

Because of that He is there and will help us bear our burdens. 

These lyrics, I feel, encompass that part of the atonement. 

Where Christ didn't suffer just for our sins, where His love is only extended to those who need help.

But His love is for everyone always.

I'm just one of the ninety and nine.

I have stumbled and fallen, but I've kept in line.

I'm not one he must seek; I'm not all that unique.

I'm just one of the ninety and nine. 

I don't know if anyone else has ever felt this way, but knowing of all the horrible things happening in the world, I feel that my problems and concerns are too miniscule to even mention. 

I do my best to deal with what I can and survive.

I pray and read my scriptures and as silly and wrong as this is, I don't ask for help.

Until the moment I can no longer bear the burdens I buckle under, I refuse to ask for help. 

Not fully understanding the Savior's Atonement, I foolishly think that there are others who need that love and peace and to have their burdens lifted more than I do.

And so I don't ask.

I keep in line. 

And quietly stumble under the load I carry. 

So why is my shepherd treating me like a lost lamb?

He's searching to find me,

And he's holding me now, yes, he's holding me now.

And teaching me who I am. 

But in the moments when I need Him most,

And when I finally turn from the pride that has been keeping me from my knees and pray, 

He is there.

Always. 

And in those moments I am overwhelmed with love and peace.

The love that would encompass the lamb that has just been found by its shepherd. 

In those moments I am kindly chastened and reminded that He is always there for me.

That I need not wait until I have fallen to ask Him for help. 

So why am I feeling like I'm the only one here?

It's like I'm his favourite,

And he takes me aside, and he sweetly confides, 

These remarkable words in my ear.

Ok, are you ready for the best part of this song?

You are one of the ninety and nine.

Have you any idea how brightly you shine?
You are safe in this fold and it's time you are told,

That I know where you've been so I know where you'll be

Because all of your life you've been following me

You are more than just one of the sands of the sea

Or just one of the ninety and nine. 

I don't know if you need to take a moment after reading that to just let it sink in.

But I do. 

Have you ANY idea how brightly you shine?
Do you know how much you are loved?

Do you?

There is a term called "Christlike love," and it means to love fully and unconditionally. 

That is the love the shepherd has for his flock. 

As one who has lived her whole life as a member of the LDS church 

I have felt secure in my spot there.

I am safe. 

I am content. 

I am not without challenges or heartaches but I am safe. 

But in that line that says, 

I know where you've been so I know where you'll be

Because all of your life you've been following me.

In that line I find greater security and happiness than I have ever felt previous. 

I have accepted the callings I have been offered.

I attended Young Women's and now attend Relief Society.

I serve and I live my life within the fold.

And that is exactly where my Savior knows to look for me. 

Because I am where I am supposed to be. 

And that extends beyond being in the heart of the fold.

That is in my eternal progress.

That is in the desires of my heart. 

That is cemented in the fact that I know who I am.

And because of that knowledge I know where I should be, and so I am there. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

So who am I?
I am His.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

I'm trying to be like Jesus. 

And my deepest desire is to follow His example and return to live with Him someday. 

So who am I?

I am one of the ninety and nine.