One of the Ninety and Nine...

To preface today's post I would like to start off by saying that I love Michael McLean.

I remember being eleven years old and attending The Forgotten Carols with my Achievement Day's group. 

Looking back, that was a defining moment in my life. 

Listening to the music as I sat in a dark theatre one cold winter's night I felt something that previous to that moment I had felt before but until then had never recognized. 

It was the Holy Ghost. 

These Forgotten Carols bore testimony of Christ's divinity.

And it was then that the Holy Ghost filled me with warmth and peace.

Such that I began to cry.

I have had many experiences with the Spirit since then.

Some stronger than what I felt that day. 

And some that have felt comfortably similar to that moment years ago. 

But what I really am trying to say is that I love Michael McLean for being in touch with the Spirit such that he wrote the Forgotten Carols of Christmas, the tales of others who found their lives intersected that of the Savior and through this bore testimony of Him. 

Now I know it was the Spirit that I felt that day.

But every time I hear the soundtrack of that musical I am reminded of how the Spirit felt and of how I recognized in that moment that I could never deny how I felt. 

Fast forward to today and I still love Michael McLean.

As the years passed I was introduced to other songs he wrote, and I have a playlist of my favourites.

Some of these favourites include "You're Not Alone", "Celebrating the Light", "Safe Harbours", "Stay With Me", and especially "Hold On, The Light Will Come".

But today I want to write about a song that often plays in the background of my mind. 

It is called "Ninety and Nine".

Alright, so listen to this...

And then continue to read, ok?

Alright.

I need to express how much I LOVE this song. 

I am one of the ninety and nine. 

And I'm not perfect but basically I'm doing fine. 

I have not lost my way, I have not gone astray. 

I'm just one of the ninety and nine. 

The feelings captured in this song are ones that have echoed within me.

I am here in the heart of the fold.

I'm not mindless but I try to do as I'm told. 

I'm not tempted to run and become the lost one.

I am here in the heart of the fold.

One recurring criticism I hear of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is that we are sheep, blindly following our leaders.

That we are conformists.

That as a collective group numbering over 15 million people, we are devoid of individual identities.

Instead we all dress the same. 

We talk the same.

We think the same. 

This isn't a criticism of those criticizing by the way.

The LDS Church has worked to eliminate that stereotype through their I'm A Mormon campaign. 

But as a member of the LDS Church I admit to feeling that way. 

That there is a certain way I should dress and act and live my life.

And over the years I have realized that I am me. 

I have a unique personality and have the gifts and talents I do for a reason, and who I am is who my Heavenly Father wants me to be. 

So I live by the rules in faith, knowing I won't always understand, but studying and pondering and putting in the work necessary to understand. 

And I am confident in my place. 

So why is my shepherd coming this way towards me?

He's holding his arms out and he's calling my name.

Yes he's calling my name!

But how, how can this be?

These lines remind me of the Atonement.

So often people view the atonement as simply a piece of repentance.

That it is only to be used when one has lost their way and made mistakes. 

But the atonement is so much more than that.
The atonement is also comfort and peace.
When Jesus Christ carried out the Atonement He took upon Him all the sins, sorrows and sufferings of everyone who has ever lived, is currently living, or will live. 

Because of that He is there and will help us bear our burdens. 

These lyrics, I feel, encompass that part of the atonement. 

Where Christ didn't suffer just for our sins, where His love is only extended to those who need help.

But His love is for everyone always.

I'm just one of the ninety and nine.

I have stumbled and fallen, but I've kept in line.

I'm not one he must seek; I'm not all that unique.

I'm just one of the ninety and nine. 

I don't know if anyone else has ever felt this way, but knowing of all the horrible things happening in the world, I feel that my problems and concerns are too miniscule to even mention. 

I do my best to deal with what I can and survive.

I pray and read my scriptures and as silly and wrong as this is, I don't ask for help.

Until the moment I can no longer bear the burdens I buckle under, I refuse to ask for help. 

Not fully understanding the Savior's Atonement, I foolishly think that there are others who need that love and peace and to have their burdens lifted more than I do.

And so I don't ask.

I keep in line. 

And quietly stumble under the load I carry. 

So why is my shepherd treating me like a lost lamb?

He's searching to find me,

And he's holding me now, yes, he's holding me now.

And teaching me who I am. 

But in the moments when I need Him most,

And when I finally turn from the pride that has been keeping me from my knees and pray, 

He is there.

Always. 

And in those moments I am overwhelmed with love and peace.

The love that would encompass the lamb that has just been found by its shepherd. 

In those moments I am kindly chastened and reminded that He is always there for me.

That I need not wait until I have fallen to ask Him for help. 

So why am I feeling like I'm the only one here?

It's like I'm his favourite,

And he takes me aside, and he sweetly confides, 

These remarkable words in my ear.

Ok, are you ready for the best part of this song?

You are one of the ninety and nine.

Have you any idea how brightly you shine?
You are safe in this fold and it's time you are told,

That I know where you've been so I know where you'll be

Because all of your life you've been following me

You are more than just one of the sands of the sea

Or just one of the ninety and nine. 

I don't know if you need to take a moment after reading that to just let it sink in.

But I do. 

Have you ANY idea how brightly you shine?
Do you know how much you are loved?

Do you?

There is a term called "Christlike love," and it means to love fully and unconditionally. 

That is the love the shepherd has for his flock. 

As one who has lived her whole life as a member of the LDS church 

I have felt secure in my spot there.

I am safe. 

I am content. 

I am not without challenges or heartaches but I am safe. 

But in that line that says, 

I know where you've been so I know where you'll be

Because all of your life you've been following me.

In that line I find greater security and happiness than I have ever felt previous. 

I have accepted the callings I have been offered.

I attended Young Women's and now attend Relief Society.

I serve and I live my life within the fold.

And that is exactly where my Savior knows to look for me. 

Because I am where I am supposed to be. 

And that extends beyond being in the heart of the fold.

That is in my eternal progress.

That is in the desires of my heart. 

That is cemented in the fact that I know who I am.

And because of that knowledge I know where I should be, and so I am there. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

You are mine. 

So who am I?
I am His.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

I'm trying to be like Jesus. 

And my deepest desire is to follow His example and return to live with Him someday. 

So who am I?

I am one of the ninety and nine.