Long time coming....

Hi.

It has been a while since I've really posted anything and trust me it's not for lack of trying. 

I have probably ten drafts saved.

And have spent countless hours staring at a blank screen.

Thinking of what I wanted to say. 

I've felt so many things I wanted to say.

But I couldn't seem to put it into words.

And I'm sure there is more I need to say then this. 

But for today... This is where I am at.

First. 

I'd like you to listen to this song while you read. 

Or before.

Whatever suits you...

                    

I guess I don't know where to start.

But I guess I will just write and hope that what I feel will come out.

I live by faith.

My faith is a critical component of who I am. 

It defines me.

It has shaped me into who I am.

And I know that it is shaping me into the woman I want to be.

I struggle a lot though.

As ridiculous as this may sound, I always know but I don't always believe.

It's hard to believe there is more than what is right in front of me.

It's hard to believe that for someone as flawed as I am there is always unconditional love.

It's hard to believe that I have a Savior who suffered in Gethsemane and took upon Him all the sins and sufferings of everyone who has ever and will ever live, died upon the cross and was resurrected so that I may live. 

It's hard to believe that I can be with my family forever.

It's hard to believe in eternity.

 But how could I doubt?

When I know that there is so much more than what I can see.

When I know that I am loved by a family I can't remember, yet remembers and knows me.

When history tells of, and scriptures preach of a Messiah, a Savior, a Redeemer, who would and did atone for my sins, and felt my pain so that in my darkest moments I would never be alone. 

When I look at my family and just know that these people are bound to me deeper than simply shared DNA, but are bound to me far longer than a till death do you part or for the course of my earthly life.

When I realize that this can't be it.

That there must be more.

That there in fact is more.

And you know what?

I'm sure some readers are ready to stop reading at this point.

Are probably scoffing and rolling their eyes at this mormon nonsense.

That no one can "know" anything of the sort.

And that is ok.

Maybe I am totally and completely delusional and wrong and once I die that is it.

But I will die having treated people in the way I felt was best.

I will die having served and improved my little part of the world.

And I will die at peace, having no qualms about what lies beyond, but will go calmly and happily. 

I am fine with that. 

But I do believe.

And I know.

Which makes life so much easier for me.

Not easier in that I don't have trials and struggles and heartache.

Because I do.

But easier in that I can see that there is a purpose to everything. 

Whether it leads me to new opportunities, or teaches me something I previously didn't understand, or simply is a test to grow my faith, there is a purpose for the pain. 

And I need that. 

And I know that I have Heavenly Parents who love me. 

And a whole family on the other side who have lived and struggled and endured and are now cheering for me and are there for me, even though I can't see them.

I know that my life has a purpose. 

Which I guess is where I am getting with this post. 

And also how this song ties into everything. 

Sorry for the ramble/not ramble of earlier. 

Here is where I am getting to. 

By believing that God has a plan for me I also believe that this plan will come to pass in His timing. 

That to truly be happy I need to trust Him. 

That for the greatest happiness I need to rely on His plan and its timing in my life.

Doing the right thing at the right time at the right place.

I should also mention this doesn't mean I sit around waiting. 

I am not a damsel in distress.

I have a brain.
I have logic.

I have talents and ambitions and dreams.

And my Heavenly Father knows that. 

And a lot of those talents are gifts from Him. 

He wants me to live and do what I can with what I have.

But that doesn't mean I live without His guidance.

I live.

I make plans.

I follow through on those plans.
But I also stay in contact and let Him know how I am feeling, what my fears are and ask if I'm doing what I should.

It's part trust that He will make sure I'm on the right path,

Part faith that He won't let me screw up too bad before straightening me out,

and part just communicating with my Heavenly Father like I do with my earthly father and asking for guidance and direction, knowing that He knows me better than I know myself at times. 

And He does.

He knows a me that I don't remember.

A me that stood up for His plan a lifetime ago. 

A me that fought for what I believed.

A me that was valiant. 

A me that wanted this body I have so badly that she would risk all she had for it.

A me that wanted to prove herself and prove her faith. 

A me that rejoices every time I take a step forward in the gospel and as my testimony grows. 

And He loves me.

And He lets me move forward without directing my every move.

But is there to point me in His direction.

Leading me back to Him.

What I am trying to say with this is I am waiting. 

A good waiting.
I am waiting for direction on my next step.

I have been led so many times in my life.

Led to things that I didn't want at times, but ended up making me so happy. 

And I have made choices that have led me to the path I am on now. 

A path I love. 

There is still so much more ahead of me. 

So many things I will be lead to or am being lead to. 

And still some of my greatest choices lie ahead of me. 

So while I am waiting, I am waiting with faith.

I am serving while I wait. 

I am learning while I wait.

I am growing while I wait. 

In the church we have a name for this waiting.

It's called enduring to the end. 

Giving a talk

So, in my faith members of the congregation give "talks" each Sunday during our Sacrament meeting.  Instead of having a pastor or other leader speak each week we have the individual members get up and speak on a pre-assigned topic.

This Sunday I am in California and have been asked by my Granddad, who is a "high councillor" which basically means a man who has served in the church as a bishop or in the bishopric ( similar to a pastor or equivalent except it is an appointed position that is volunteer, so not paid, normally for five years but could be longer or shorter) over a ward (a group of church members who all attend meetings together as determined by their geographic location) and is now a member of the stake council (a stake is a group of wards) and is assigned to a specific ward for a while. So the ward he is over is his home ward, and my sister and I have been asked to speak tomorrow. 

I thought I would share my talk here.

Also, feel free to visit mormon.org or lds.org, or message me if you have any questions. :)

Blessings of the Temple Talk

Hello Brothers and Sisters, I am grateful for the opportunity I have to talk to you today. 

My name is Emma Atwood, I am Brother Parkin’s granddaughter from Canada.

I was asked today to speak on the talk given by President Monson this past conference entitled, “Blessings of the Temple.”

I had the opportunity, along with my family and grandfather to attend General Conference in Salt Lake City and we were in the audience when this talk was given.

I remember as Pres. Monson announced the new temples that would be built in the Ivory Coast, Thailand and Haiti, and the excitement that filled the room as we all marveled at the progress of the church such that the gospel has not only reached such foreign locations but has thrived there enough to constitute the building of these temples.

President Monson spoke of the marvelous blessings in store for the faithful members in both these areas of newly announced temples and wherever temples are located throughout the world. He also spoke of the desire of the First Presidency that as many members as possible have an opportunity to attend the temple without great sacrifices of time and resources.

That phrase has taken on new meaning for me in the past year. I grew up in Cardston, Alberta, Canada where I lived a block away from the temple.

 My life revolved around the Cardston temple. As I was growing up my mom worked as the cafeteria manager there. I walked across the lawn of the temple every day on my way to school. I had Sunday School on the temple lawn every summer as far back as I can remember.

 In high school the temple literally was the center of my life as my high school was on one side of the temple, my seminary building on another side, the church building that housed my ward was on another side, and I lived a block down on the other side.

Even with the temple at the center of everything, I still took it for granted. I didn’t understand not only how blessed I was to have the temple as a part of my daily life, but also the impact the temple had on me. Seeing it every day was a constant reminder of the covenants I made at baptism and of my decision to one day be endowed and sealed there.

This past year I went off to attend school at Southern Virginia University.

It is an amazing school, one I am very excited to return to in a few weeks. As a predominately LDS school I am surrounded by people who share my faith and with whom I can discuss my beliefs on a daily basis.

Even in such an amazing environment I was startled as my first semester progressed and I could feel a palpable difference of spirituality in my life.

That difference was the temple.

Going to a school with the temple now 3 hours away was a change I was not prepared for and did not expect to be as affected by as I was.

However, the longer I went without attending the temple the harder life seemed to get.

 At first it seemed such a difficult thing to give up a day to spend 6 hours travelling to and from the temple, most likely with people I didn’t know very well.

But as I recognized that what was missing was the temple in my life, I realized that the sacrifice of time and resources, of comfort, of spending money on gas and food, of not spending that time studying, was not truly a sacrifice at all, but would be an investment that would bless me in all aspects of my life.

And it truly was.

In spite of what was happening in my life I was able to find peace through attending the temple.

The Savior said in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

As the Savior said, the peace I needed was not found in any worldly thing. It was found in Him, and in going to the Lord’s house in service and in prayer, seeking for peace and leaving behind the distractions and confusion of the world.

I had a hard first year of school. Where, as much as I knew I was where my Heavenly Father wanted me to be and could see the blessings all around me in my life, it still was hard.

There were deaths in the family. There were issues back at home. My schoolwork was challenging. I had to adapt to living with roommates. I had a host of learning experiences as I took on managing the women’s soccer team there.

 And even though I was being profusely blessed.

Even though I was reading my scriptures, and praying and attending church.

I needed the temple.

In the past year I have gained a testimony of the temple stronger than that I gained in the 18 and a half years living a block away from it.

I know that the temple is the House of the Lord.

I know that there we are given peace and a refuge from the rapidly increasing wickedness of our world.

I know that in the temple we find a piece of heaven, and there are able to make covenants that transcend this earthly life and continue on throughout eternity.

And I know we have a loving Heavenly Father who guides us and protects us and cares about us individually as His children.

I know that the Plan of Salvation will give us true and abiding happiness.

I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer and that He is the Son of God and our Elder Brother and that through Him we will live again.

And I know that attending the temple worthily and faithfully brings blessings.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had today to speak with you and to share my testimony of the temple. As Elder Boyd K. Packer once said, “A testimony is found in the bearing of it.” And I truly have gained a better understanding of my testimony of the temple and of the extent of the impact the temple has had on my life through preparing this talk. I know this church is true.

And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.